


Eggshells

by Kae



Series: Betty's Heart [2]
Category: Bomb Girls
Genre: F/F, Season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kae/pseuds/Kae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Betty's thoughts during season 2 leading up to her encounter with Theresa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stay

I thought I would be happy if only Kate would come back. If only she would just be where I could see her, where I could protect her. 

 

I thought if only I could pretend, if I could pass, if I could act like Ivan mattered, I’d be able to forget. Focus on other things. Fake it ‘till you make it, and all that. 

 

I was wrong.

 

But it wasn’t so bad, being wrong. Sitting in that church, with Kate by my side, listening to Leon talk about God’s love, God’s acceptance, I felt something click. I didn’t want to fake it anymore. Trying to be with Ivan hurt. It was forcing something that was just wrong, I could feel it in my heart. He was so earnest, so dear, but I just loved him as a friend. He was great to talk about the leafs with, but when he looked at me in that way...I just felt uncomfortable. 

 

That’s probably how Kate felt. No wonder she freaked out on me. But I can’t help it, she’s so... Just so. I run out of words when I look at her. She takes my breath away, makes the world seem brighter just by being there.

 

But the worry - when she was drinking all the time, the worry was torture. I could feel it in my veins like ice, like iron shavings sparking against the walls of my skin, scratching out from the inside. It would hit my heart and this heavy _thump_ would echo throughout my ribcage, sending waves of pain through every nerve. I didn’t barely sleep. I didn’t know what to do.  Against the father outside I understood - get Kate away, keep her safe, away from him. Against the father in her head, however, I was powerless.  I didn’t have the words to bring her out of it. Or, not ones she’d want to hear from me, anyway. 

 

I wanted to tell her she was better than everything he said. That he couldn’t hurt her anymore, that I would protect her forever, there was nothing that could tear me away. I wanted to hold her as she sobbed, instead of watching while she drank so the tears wouldn’t come. I wanted to tell her that good christian girl aside, no one should mourn the peice of trash he was. It was good riddance. I wanted to kiss the teardrops from her eyes, hold a tissue to her nose, rock her to sleep. 

 

But I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place. She was back, I didn’t want to say anything that would send her running away, especially not as she was. I tread on eggshells around her. I whispered _stay stay stay please dear God stay_ with my eyes, with my heart, with my blood racing under my skin. 


	2. What if?

She never spoke about it. I thought it was best, pretend it doesn’t exist, she’ll stay. I didn’t think I could take it if she left again. I had nightmares about it, all the eggshells breaking, stabbing into my bare feet. The iron shards in my veins turning to barbed wire and breaking free of my skin to strangle me. No, that I wouldn’t survive. 

 

She got better, over her father bit by bit, and I thought _maybe._ Maybe she’d mention it. Maybe she’d think about it. Maybe she’d think about me. Maybe she was, but was too scared. 

 

But she wasn’t, she was too carefree. 

 

But still, sometimes she would look at me and smile, and my heart would melt, and the ice shards would disappear completely, and I could swear it meant something. It had to. 

 

It couldn’t. I had to be realistic. But...what if?

 

I thought about her so much, and Gladys knew, but I was still terrified of what would happen if...what I was...if it became common knowledge. I would be fired for certain. I would lose everything. 


	3. Him or Her?

Then she showed up. Theresa. With her uniform that just... wow. Eye candy. I had to keep my gaze controlled. I’d learned how to do that years ago, you don’t just look at a girl the way her boyfriend does if you don’t want people to look at you the way...well the way they do. Still, it wasn’t anything uncommon to see someone beautiful, and I kept my cool perfectly. It was nothing to trying to pretend I wasn’t always thinking about taking Kate in my arms and kissing her until I died of suffocation. 

 

Seeing Ivan with Kate was hard. I was on edge already. But I had to tread carefully, I knew what would happen if anything broke. I clutched my glass, took a deep breath and released it. It wouldn’t do to look so strung out. But I was. Very much so. Especially after being used as the “stand in boy” for Marco’s flirting lesson’s with Kate. Those made the back of my throat ache. She didn’t even hesitate. It was like she’d forgotten...like how I felt didn’t even matter. It didn’t matter. It never does. 

 

Then Theresa sat down. She spoke so cavalier about it, like she could see the feelings in my heart plain as if they were written on my forehead, when Kate couldn’t see them shoved in her face. Literally. “Him or her?” she asked, like it wouldn’t matter which. Of course it mattered. 

“Him. Of course.” I had to get away from her, what if other people could see too? Gladys knowing didn’t matter, but this stranger could do anything to me without even meaning to. She could break the eggshells. 


End file.
